In Your Honor

Book #2 of the Double Blind Study series.
The band's resident bad boy gets a second-chance at his one true love.

Double Blind Study is taking charge of their future. But relearning how to be responsible adults can be a long road. Blake has been running from himself his whole life. Being in a band with his very best friends has helped to keep him on the move during that time. But then Blake's past love joins the tour and he's forced to think about all the choices he's made to get him where his is today.

Lucy Newton, raised by her widowed rock star father, has a talent beyond measure. But she's placed her hopes on the back burner, putting family first. An opportunity arises that allows her to chase her dream. But there's a catch: Blake Diedrich, the man who broke her heart too many times to count is part of the package.

Every journey has a purpose. Will Blake and Lucy come out stronger for it on the other side? Or will it destroy what's left of their shattered hearts?
PG-16 for foul-mouthed rock stars, surprise appearances from exes, heart wrenching revelations, loud music, light heat, closed door.

Prologue



Cologne, Germany
Three Years Ago

Blake rested his spinning head in his hands, pressing the heels into his eye sockets. He was way too drunk for what was happening. The sterile surroundings of the Catholic hospital made his intoxicated confusion more pronounced, and he felt humiliation take a seat right next to his overwhelming dread.
A soft figure sat down next to him and he slowly rotated his head to see the tiny figure of a nun looking at him with kind eyes. She extended a cup of coffee his direction and he took it. She said something to him that he didn't understand.
“I'm sorry, I don't speak German,” he said with a grimace.
She nodded and patted his knee gently. “You must have coffee.” Her English was good, but he could tell she was a little unsure.
“Yes, thank you.” He raised the cup she had given him. “Danke.” He knew a few basic words but not enough for a conversation. Especially right now.
“Your friend,” she raised her eyebrows in question, “he is sick?”
“Yes.” Blake felt a wave of anguish wash over him. “Very sick.”
Mike was more sick than any of them had realized. They should have, though. They did. They just didn't want to have to deal with it. They were all too busy with their own shit. And now, Mike might not make it. It was insane how much had changed in the past couple of hours.
When Carl had finally gotten through to Blake and Luke at the bar, Mike was already unconscious. Luke had been in the hospital room with him since they had arrived. Blake wasn't ready to go in yet. He was too ashamed. And scared. And so drunk still. He reached up to rub his forehead with his fingertips.
He wanted to blame someone. Maybe he could blame Ilsa, he'd never trusted her. She was so demanding of Mike's time and energy. Blake had known she was a user too, but he chose to ignore it. He chose to worry about himself despite the promise that all of them had made years ago to run this band like a family instead of a hobby.
“You have someone.” The nun interrupted his blurry thoughts again. He frowned, not sure what she meant. She gestured to the phone he clutched in his hand. He looked down at it and remembered that he'd been getting ready to call someone. But he didn't know who. He knew who he wanted to call. But he had promised never to call her drunk again.
“She'll be mad at me,” he said out loud, not caring if the nun understood at all.
“Maybe,” the nun replied noncommittally, which made Blake almost smile.
“I made a promise.” He stared at the floor in front of him, his head a complete mess. He had promised to stay away forever. But all he wanted at that moment was to hear her tell him everything would be okay.
“Promises can be remade.” The nun patted his knee again and he glanced over at her. She smiled secretively and then stood up, leaving him alone.
His stare returned to his phone. The loneliness in his chest caused him to cue up her number and press Send before he sobered up enough to talk himself out of it. He pressed the device to his ear and hoped she would answer.
She picked up sooner than he expected.
“Hello?” she answered tentatively.
“Hey,” Blake croaked, his vision suddenly blurring with unexpected tears.
“What's wrong, Blake?” He could almost see the concern on her face as it radiated through the phone. No anger, or accusation. Only genuine worry. He had never deserved her.
“Mike overdosed.” He pushed the words out heavily. He heard her alarmed gasp and he continued, “I know I said I'd stay away. But you're the only one I can call. I'm really scared. He's in a coma. Luke is with him right now, but we have no idea what's going to happen. And I'm really drunk and confused and I feel bad for calling you but I... I just didn't know what else to do.”
“It's okay, Blake. I'm glad you called me.” She was trying to calm him down. From thousands of miles away he could feel the overwhelming comfort that she was practically made out of. He missed her. He wished she was there with him right now, to hold him and tell him it was going to be okay.
“I miss you,” he confessed, and he didn't care how it sounded.
“I miss you, too.” She was quiet for a moment. “I'm sure Mike will pull through. All you boys are tough. How is Luke holding up?”
Blake really couldn't believe how amazing she was. They had left things so messy and ugly. And here she was, holding him one more time.
“He's scared too.” Blake reached up and wiped the tears off the side of his face. “I wish I had done things differently.”
“Blake, don't do this to yourself. Not right now,” she pleaded tenderly over the phone.
“How do we fix this? I never saw this coming. I have no idea what to do.” Every word had two meanings, and he knew she knew it. He needed her to. He needed her to know that he wasn't proud of anything he had done. “Is it all really over? I mean, maybe I could start doing things differently now. Maybe I could figure this whole thing out.”
“Blake...” His name hung off her lips and he desperately wanted a do-over on life.
“Don't.” He ran his hand over the back of his head in frustration. “Don't say what I know you're gonna say.”
Then she did what she always did. She reached across the miles and gave him exactly what he needed to get through this moment.
“Tell me about Europe. Are the crowds are as crazy as I've heard?”
Blake leaned back and sighed. He told her about the shows and the flights and the cities they'd been to. They discussed the music and the latest album. Sway and Harrison arrived but sat silently nearby. She kept him distracted until he was sober and the sun was coming up outside. It had to be in the middle of the night where she was, and still she continued the conversation.
Blake saw Luke coming down the hallway towards them and knew they were all getting ready to have a difficult conversation.
“I have to go,” he said painfully, not knowing when he'd ever hear her voice again. “Thank you. For everything.”
“You're gonna be okay, Blake. Y'all will,” she said, her soft accent making him smile one last time.
“I'm sorry I broke my promise of not contacting you again,” he said quickly as Luke got closer and goodbye was imminent.
“Tonight doesn't count,” she tried to reassure him.
“It counts for me.” He took a quick breath before he had time to change his mind. “I love you.” He hung up the phone without waiting for a reply because he knew those days were over. He couldn't go back and she had asked him not to. But he had to tell her at least once more.
He doubted that he would ever feel like he had told her enough.